Women cheat too, you know! I could remember during my Uni days, I was in my second year. I went for a party and met this fine bobo, guy took an interest in me and we digged it on the dance floor. It was an overnight party so we talked throughout the night. We exchanged numbers and I felt that was the end. As heavens will have it, he called me on Monday evening, ‘I am at your junction, come pick me’. I was on one of those mini-skirts (my miniskirts were legendary), I had the legs, so I flaunted it.
I saw him and mo shock, my lips became dry and boy, was I drooling, guy is fine forget. Tall fair guy with pink lips(pink lips was my downfall) with broad shoulders, he now has swag again, eh gawd, this boy was my undoing. Immediately, he sighted me, I changed my walking steps, swayed my hips, licked my lips, and smiled. And that was it.
As at that time I was bored with my relationship, the conversation I and my boyfriend use to have were becoming boring. Conversations like how was lectures? Are you going for night class? Are you going for fellowship? I can give you a copy of my ‘use of library’. I had gone to his house twice to break up but I could not, I was not strong enough.
He was the excuse I showed(I could not even tell my then-boyfriend that I wanted to break up. I don’t want to be the reason for someone’s son tears) my boyfriend that this babe has moved on. The new guy was intelligent, a good conversationalist, knew all the happening spots, and the most important thing, popular with the girls. Dating him automatically elevated my status but with him came heartache. ee ehn, that’s another story for another day
Society as we know it has lost all the virtues of what marriage once meant. There is a great laxity of morals, and promiscuity has silently gained widespread acceptance. Even though most women who engage in cheating understand on some level that what they are doing is potentially harmful to
both their relationship and their partner, they continue with the behavior.
Women are cheating at least the same rates as men, sometimes women cheat even more often than men. We just don’t like to talk about it and we don’t like to think about it. They are our sisters, mothers, neighbors, friends, and social nurturers so we feel uncomfortable blacklisting them in the same way we do men and often try to provide excuses. These are women whose marriages you think are “good” or at minimum”fine.” But they are also the women who are online prowling for secret lovers to fulfill sexual desires and untapped passions. They did not “fall” into this. They weighed their options. And then they sought out and took a lover. Women’s changing social and economic circumstances have perhaps widened the opportunity for cheating to occur. Which leads us to the topic Why do women cheat?
The reason women cheat is sexually motivated.
It may be an old notion that women are the ones who get attached in a relationship. Men can often have a very scripted, formulaic approach to intercourse which can drive any woman looking for sexual creativity around the bend. You know the usual two minutes of breast fondling and two minutes of vaginal groping, before setting out for candy-land. This boring and predictable approach to sex can influence a woman to seek sexual diversity elsewhere especially if she feels that she does not have a voice in her relationship.
Searching for an Emotional Connection
Every affair is different, and so are every woman’s reasons for her involvement. Men are more likely to cite sexual motivations for infidelity and are less likely to fall in love with an extramarital partner. Women tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness. They say they wanted to have someone who would look into their eyes and make them feel sexy again.
Sometimes women feel betrayed by their partner (usually either financially or sexually), and they use cheating to retaliate. The saying “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” exists for a reason.
Loneliness and Neglect
Sometimes women feel more like a nanny, maid, mother, or financial provider than a wife or girlfriend. We rationalize that women become vulnerable to affairs because of loneliness and a lack of emotional intimacy with their partners. Some couples may find themselves caught up in their careers and focused on every aspect of life besides their significant other. This can quickly turn into neglect and loneliness, which are both reasons why some women may cheat on their partner. They can end up looking for emotional attachment elsewhere because they miss the exhilaration of flirting and forming new relationships. They find their ongoing, stable partnership boring, so they chase the emotional high of finding and bonding with someone new.
Feeling Sexually Deprived
Women are sexual creatures, just as men are. Sometimes they are more sexual than their partner. If so, this can be problematic. Rather than end the relationship, they may seek sex on the side to meet their physical needs. With age, some people naturally become less interested in sex or even develop sexual dysfunction, which could result in less exciting sex life. Whatever the reason is, ignoring the sexual needs of your partner could lead to larger problems in your relationship. When someone feels their partner no longer wants them sexually, they may feel deprived and uncared for, causing them to go outside of the relationship to find what they need. Women cheat to spice up the relationship, to keep it going.
Other times, women are unsatisfied in their relationships
That doesn’t mean that women who cheat are always looking to save their primary partnership. Sometimes, it’s the opposite: One of the main reasons women cheat is to blow up a relationship that makes them feel trapped in some way. Oftentimes, they’re with a partner who seems like a nice person but is controlling, stifling, or emotionally unavailable. The unconscious narrative is often, “He’s a nice guy, but I’m miserable”. Cheating gives a reason for their partner to leave them.
Some women expect their partner to meet their every need and desire. When their partner inevitably fails them, these women will sometimes turn to someone else. They purposely vet partners and only get involved with men who will cater to their wants, needs, and desires.
Before having an affair, women have left their relationship emotionally. They are already living with a lot of disillusionment in a disappointing, sexless marriage. Using another partner to transition out of a bad marriage is one of the common reasons women cheat.
Other reasons women cheat are lack of female social support, lack of intimacy, low self-esteem, seeking excitement, intentional cheating, etc. Women defend their cheating by lying, hiding, denying and minimizing because that is what is expected from them culturally worldwide
Cheating does not come because of lack of love, it is simply lack of respect. As commonplace as cheating has become among both men and women, it continues to offend most of us. The desire for commitment and sexual exclusivity is a core need that many of us share. Unravelling the reasons cheating occurs has to be the starting point towards healing.
Cheating should not be the go-to relationship resolution solution. Couples could opt for therapy to work through their issues, or simply decide to split. The long-term effects of betrayal and deception on their partner probably won’t net out to a better life long term for both parties involved.